the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
