At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
