omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
