dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
