someone get that fucking seahorse.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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