I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
