i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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