I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
