My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
