My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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