I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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