you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
