he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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