Don't make out with my wife yet
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
