I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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