dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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