can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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