The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Randomize
