my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We have started to decorate penises.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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