I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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