Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
