Only a mothe r could love this liver
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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