he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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