she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize