just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
