did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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