That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
