watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
