Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
