its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
