Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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