This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
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