i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
