he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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