I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
