It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
