she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
