Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
