I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
