With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
