i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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