I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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