It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
