i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
