we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
zippers are such a cool invention
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
