I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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