It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
