Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
