ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
