So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
