dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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