listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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