pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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