tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
