her facebook's as public as her vagina
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
