Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
