What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
