I think I just saw someone hide a body.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
