You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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