Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
