'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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