So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
