Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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