I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
