I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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