my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
