It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You may now shotgun with the bride
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
