I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just cut my nipple shaving
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
