he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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