just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
