I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
