Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
