If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize
