why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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