piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
