I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
